"I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. " — W.C. Fields "I never hold a grudge. As soon as I get even with the son-of-a bitch, I forget it." — W.C. Fields "If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit." — W.C. Fields "I don't drink water. Fish fuck in it." — W.C. Fields "Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her." — W.C. Fields "A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for." — W.C. Fields "Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water." — W.C. Fields "Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!" — W.C. Fields | "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it." — W.C. Fields "Start every day off with a smile and get it over with." — W.C. Fields "A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money" — W.C. Fields "Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life." — W.C. Fields | "I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food." — W.C. Fields "Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer." — W.C. Fields "It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to." — W.C. Fields "I like children. If they're properly cooked." — W.C. Fields "Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. " — W.C. Fields "Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler. " — W.C. Fields "No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree." — W.C. Fields "Marry an outdoors woman. That way, if you have to throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive." — W.C. Fields |
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